I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
