Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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