it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
