your room smells of hookers.
And success
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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