Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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