doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
