I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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