hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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