I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
