is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
