She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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