I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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