I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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