I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
