Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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