so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
