Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
