She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
