I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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