I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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