Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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