Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
