I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
