I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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