I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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