Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
