five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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