He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
