u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
