Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
