JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
