I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
