Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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