remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
