We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
How naked do you want me to be?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
