i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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