That's intense
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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