Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
