I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
