her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
