Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
