Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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