you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
