how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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