I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
