I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
