I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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