If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize