So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
