I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
