Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
