how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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