so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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