dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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