she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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