I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize