Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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