stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
