how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
