She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize