I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
