drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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