I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize