he wants to bone in the snuggie
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
