just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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