:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
