My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
